Is Soft Swap Second Class

Written by the Swirls

In the world of swinging you will find thoughts and opinions on soft swapping from one end of the spectrum to the other. To define soft swapping, we will use the definition, people who play in the lifestyle with kissing, use of hands, or oral sex. Some couples only play within this limitation for their entire lifestyle journey, others may use this as a starting point and later decide to begin full swap in their playtime. Some couples plainly state they do not play in soft swap scenarios and others are open to various play styles as long as all parties are understanding of each others play preference. You will find couples who do anything but kiss. Play in same rooms or only in different rooms. Is anal ok? Even more, you will find exhibitionist and voyeurs in the world of sex positive culture. The #1 rule we do highly recommend is safe play only, condoms required. There are lots of play styles and on top of obvious attraction and mental stimulation means everyone is not for everyone and there is not always a match. For a fun evening for everyone involved, communication becomes the key to success. Let’s review.

Connecting in the lifestyle requires all the parties involved to know the limitations of the others in the play session and be comfortable to playing in the style of what is discussed. At the onset with new play partners, a brief level setting or as Livin the Suite Life Podcast puts it, a circle of consent. During this circle of consent, everyone says what they are comfortable with, which may change over time so even repeat play partners should not assume that all is still the same as it was before. These opening discussions are beneficial anytime you are connecting in a lifestyle scenario and can help eliminate misunderstandings and uncomfortable situations in the middle of a connection. The reasoning for any couple to have chosen the play style they have can be many. If you meet someone and they are open to discussing why they choose a particular play style, make it a matter of fun conversation. Keep it classy and sexy, ultimately not judging based on their decision as that decision has been made for the reason they need to have made it. 

In all of this, it is important to note that everyone has their kink and to again quote Livin the Suite Life, we are not going to yuck anyone’s yum or speak badly of what kink that you may have and we do not. Actually that is part of what makes the lifestyle such a beautiful thing when everyone follows certain standards and expectations that could be helpful and keep the occasion one that is looked back on with pleasure instead of pain. 

• Don’t look down on anyone because they have a different play style than you. 
• Don’t push anyone past their stated limits during playtime.
• Don’t change play styles during playtime. Remember the clearly stated boundaries with your partner.
• Keep Communication Open and Freely Flowing with a Spirit of Understanding.

Many days after an event that we were enjoying with a very sexy couple, they brought it our attention that they did not try to connect with us because they saw us also talking with a full swap couple and they knew our play style was full swap. The thought was we are just a soft swap couple and we haven’t graduated yet.

We do acknowledge there are couples who do not play in soft swap scenarios, but truth be told, some soft swap scenes are the sexiest playtimes we can remember. We ourselves have played and continue to play in any play style that everyone can enjoy. There is nothing a good conversation and level setting of expectations can’t help make a comfortable and fun scenario.

During any playtime couples can setup a signal to each other that means, we need to step away and talk for a moment. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but can help a couple navigate any play session and keep the fun going. There is no equation that fits everyone in this play land. Each couple or individual has to figure out their own path and the best way to proceed in their circumstances. No matter where you find yourself in this journey, there is room for all to have fun and all to contribute the sex positive energy of any event. No couple or person is second class because of their play style.