“Just do it!” I remember telling myself. Walking up to the edge I looked in and sudden fear and trepidation overwhelm me. I remember one of my friends telling me, “I just walked up and jumped in.”, and he is probably the best I’ve ever seen do it before. Now here I am, no one around, trying to figure this out. I’m standing on the edge of the pool. If I am ever going to learn how to swim, I have to get past this fear.
I will never forget that moment, when I nearly died trying to make it back to the edge of the pool. I don’t know if my “friend” was completely honest in his rendition of his own journey in just jumping in but I should have invested more time in doing a lot more research and utilized the path that many others choose, good old fashioned swimming lessons. Sink or swim became much more real to me that day.
The lifestyle can be viewed similarly for “newbies”. All that is fed by mainstream media and Hollywood tales is broken marriages and painful plot twist. Breaches of fidelity and skirting the boundaries of what is the blueprint of marriage seem to only bring heartache, this is the message we hear from day 1 and from every direction. With these messages in front of us constantly, swinging and lifestyle activities will certainly bring fear. Your relationship should be treasured and anything that could damage it should have an appropriate measure of fear around it. To the spicily included, a ration of the right peppers on a fine meal enhances the experience and the taste of the dish explodes in flavor, but too much ghost pepper on that chicken wing and boom, you’re pouring milk on your tongue and lips to quell the burn. This lifestyle can be the right amount of the pepper enhancing an already established relationship and bond.
So now here you are, as a couple you both are showing interest in the lifestyle. Often beginning with dirty talk during sexy time, ideas and notions of jumping in the lifestyle start to begin take shape. Does this mean you just jump in, sink or swim into the lifestyle? You may hear experienced lifestyle couples say they did. As swinging and the lifestyle has become more popular and the burst of online experiences, podcast, blogs, courses, and content there is no reason for any couple or individual to be unprepared in their onset of swinging adventures. We are no longer in a black hole of information devoid of what the lifestyle is really about and what to expect.
First and foremost, the lifestyle is not for everyone. Just as people have different taste for food and music, people have different taste in their choice of sexual pleasure. Some couples are ready from day 1 while others take years to feel comfortable enough to be part of this culture. The one key that cannot be overlooked is, BOTH partners have to be willing participants to the roles and boundaries that are discussed for the couple to be successful.
While I did learn how to swim, many don’t. They sink! Sinking combined with a lack of swimming ability can lead to disaster. The lifestyle is no different. Couples can easily sink, they might jump right in, have a bad or disastrous experience, and quickly stop and maybe even end a relationship. Take for example, your favorite and your worst adult beverages. The reason these are your favorite or worst is often because of the experiences, feelings, and results of what happens as you partake of them, especially the first time. The first time you drank whiskey maybe you enjoyed a single barrel straight shot of the strongest malt, maybe you coughed, burned your throat, sometimes people may expel the drink right back out. You might not ever like whiskey again in your life because of that bad experience. However, counter that with the first time you shot tequila. Maybe you and a few friends took shots and had the time of your life, dancing, laughing, and all the things that make us smile. You will probably love tequila. In either case, our likes/dislikes and successes/failures are often linked. If a couple jumps into the lifestyle and does not find a great experience, they may form a distaste and, in terms of what they were looking for in adding a flare or spice into their marriage and relationship, the journey might even be considered a failure.
Success can be found in the form of many paths. However, the fear that is stoked for the lifestyle by the mainstream has to be overcome. The lifestyle starts where fear of it ends.
Properly educate yourselves before jumping in, make use of the many paths of knowledge. Read experiences and stories, listen to the podcast and get realistic expectations. Your lifestyle journey will be shaped by the success of how it starts. We would not change anything about our journey because it was ours and it led us here. Do not let fear and misunderstanding in itself, keep you away. The lifestyle encompasses a lot of different things for a lot of people, if its interest line up within your relationship, find your place within it. Do not let fear stop you from a pursuing a successful journey.
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