Unicorn Hunting: How to Find a Third Without Being an Ass

Let’s face it—finding a unicorn, that rare and magical single woman who’s interested in joining a couple, can feel like hitting the lifestyle lottery. But if you’re not careful, you could easily scare away potential connections by coming across as disrespectful or self-centered. So, how do you find a unicorn without being “that couple”? Here’s a guide to approaching the hunt with grace, respect, and keeping it interesting. Consider this a guide for how to find a unicorn.

For a great podcast discussing the Ethics of Unicorn Hunting, check out this ‘We Got a Thing’ episode .

Understand What Unicorns Are (and Aren’t)

Explain the Myth vs. Reality

A unicorn is typically a single woman interested in joining a couple, often on a short- or long-term basis. But they’re not mythical creatures there to fulfill every fantasy without needs of their own.

Respect Their Autonomy

They’re people with boundaries, desires, and expectations, not accessories for your relationship. Understanding this is key to a respectful approach.

Communicate as a Couple First

Get on the Same Page

Before diving in, discuss what you both are comfortable with. Clear, honest communication between you and your partner is essential to avoid misunderstandings and ensure you’re aligned.

How to Find a Unicorn: Boundaries and Expectations

Make sure both of you know your limits and expectations. This way, you’re presenting a united front and won’t confuse or overwhelm the unicorn you’re hoping to meet. Think about what this particular date night might entail.

Create an Inviting and Honest Profile

Be Transparent

When creating a profile or introducing yourselves, be open about who you are, what you’re looking for, and what you can offer. This transparency builds trust.

Highlight Individuality

Talk about both partners’ personalities. Avoid making it seem like the unicorn is just joining your relationship solely for physical reasons—acknowledge the personal connection.

Avoid Red Flags in Your Bio

Stay away from phrases like “no strings attached,” “you must be…” or anything that implies strict requirements. These can be off-putting and make your profile feel like an interview process rather than an invitation.

Be Respectful and Take It Slow

Respect Boundaries

Don’t dive into overtly sexual conversations or assume the unicorn is ready to jump into bed right away (Well, most of the time anyway.) 😏 Show interest in them as a person and build a foundation of respect.

Give Space and Time

Just like dating, unicorns may want to take things slowly. Let them set the pace and don’t pressure them into anything they’re not ready for.

Be Honest About Your Expectations (Without Being Pushy)

Share, Don’t Demand

Let them know what you’re hoping for in a potential connection, but avoid coming across as entitled or demanding. It should never be all about you in the swinging lifestyle.

Allow Room for Their Desires

Make it clear that their needs and boundaries are just as important. A successful unicorn hunt is about finding mutual enjoyment, not just fulfilling one side of the equation.

Avoid Being Overly Possessive or Jealous

No Surprises

Sometimes, couples forget that unicorns aren’t “exclusive” to them. If you’re hoping for a committed relationship, discuss it openly rather than assuming.

Handle Jealousy Beforehand

If jealousy is a concern, it’s essential to address it within your own relationship first. Bringing a third into a dynamic full of unspoken insecurities or possessiveness is a recipe for disaster.

Show Appreciation, Not Entitlement

Gratitude Over Expectations

Remember that a unicorn is choosing to join you, and that’s something to be thankful for! Approach them with appreciation and a genuine desire to connect.

Avoid Treating Them as a Trophy

They’re not here to validate your relationship or fulfill some bucket list item. Show that you value them as an individual, and express that you’re interested in their comfort and enjoyment as well.

Practice Good Communication Throughout

Check In Regularly

Throughout your interactions, make a habit of checking in to ensure everyone is comfortable and enjoying the experience.

Maintain Honesty

Be honest about any concerns or changing dynamics. Good communication prevents misunderstandings and helps foster a healthy connection.

Know When to Call It Off Gracefully

Respect Their Right to Say No

Sometimes, things just don’t work out, and that’s okay. Respecting a unicorn’s decision to back away is part of being a considerate couple.

Avoid Making It Personal

If they decide it’s not the right fit, thank them for their time and move forward respectfully. It’s all part of the journey in the lifestyle.

Conclusion

Finding a unicorn can be a magical experience, but only if you approach it with respect, open communication, and an understanding of their needs. By avoiding entitlement, showing genuine interest, and respecting boundaries, you’re far more likely to create a positive experience for everyone involved. Remember, it’s always unicorn hunting season, but there’s no need to be an ass about it! Happy hunting, and may you find that rare and wonderful connection you’re looking for.