8 Signs a Couple Isn’t Really Ready to Swing (Even If They Say They Are)

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should…The lifestyle is exciting. It’s sexy, social, and full of potential. But it’s not a shortcut to fix a broken relationship. And it’s definitely not just “spicing things up” if the kitchen’s already on fire. How do you if a couple is ready to swing?

We’ve seen couples jump in too fast, too soon, and for all the wrong reasons and we’ve also seen the fallout.

So if you’re wondering whether a couple is actually ready to swing (even if they claim they are), keep your eyes open.

Here are 8 red flags that say, “Maybe not yet.”

🧨 1. They’re Trying to Fix a Problem With Play

If swinging is a solution to their jealousy, boredom, or resentment… it’s not a solution.

That’s a Band-Aid on a pressure cooker.

Reality check:

If communication is shaky, adding another body won’t fix it, it’ll expose the cracks.

🤐 2. They Don’t Talk Openly About Sex…With Each Other

If one partner does all the talking and the other just nods? 🚩

If they can’t even say the word “clitoris” without blushing? 🚩

Reality check:

The lifestyle thrives on honesty, not assumptions. If they can’t talk sex with each other, they’re not ready to talk sex with others.

🕵️‍♂️ 3. One Partner Seems WAY More Into It Than the Other

He’s excited. She’s nervous. She says “maybe,” he says “hell yes.”

Or vice versa.

Reality check:

Unequal enthusiasm doesn’t mean one partner is more adventurous. It means someone’s pressuring or being passive. Neither ends well.

😬 4. They Don’t Know Their Boundaries…Or Can’t Agree On Them

You ask what they’re into and get responses like:

“Uhh… we’ll see what happens.”

“We’re open to anything.”

“He knows what I like.”

Reality check:

Being flexible is great but not having clear, shared boundaries is a setup for confusion, regret, or emotional fallout.

😤 5. One or Both Get Jealous Just Watching Each Other Flirt

Jealousy is normal but unmanaged jealousy is dangerous.

If they’re side-eyeing every touch or flirt, they’re not ready to share, they’re trying not to explode.

Reality check:

If they can’t watch each other have fun without clenching their jaw, swinging may stir up more insecurity than excitement.

🥴 6. They Keep Mentioning It’s “Just for the Guy”

You’ve heard it: “It’s his fantasy.”

“She’s doing this for me.”

“He deserves this for his birthday.”

Reality check:

If it’s not for both, it’s a setup for resentment. Pleasure is mutual or it’s performative.

🤫 7. They Hide It From Each Other

One partner has a secret profile. One is texting solo. One’s playing while the other doesn’t know.

They say they’re in the lifestyle but they’re not in it together.

Reality check:

That’s not swinging. That’s cheating in lifestyle clothing.

😐 8. They Don’t Seem to Enjoy Each Other

This one’s the hardest to say out loud but sometimes it’s obvious.

They bicker. They seem disconnected. They play separately every time.

Reality check:

Swinging should enhance your relationship, not distract from it. If they don’t seem to like each other, bringing others into the mix just spreads the discomfort.

🧠 Just Because You’re Curious Doesn’t Mean You’re Ready

We’re not judging.

Every couple’s journey looks different. Some take years to ease in. Some click naturally.

But swinging, like any vulnerable, intimate experience, requires emotional maturity, deep trust, and honest communication.

So if you see these signs? Be kind. Don’t push.

Because the couples who wait until they’re truly ready?

They’re the ones who thrive.

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