Some may say most of the “bad vibes” in the lifestyle don’t come from couples, unicorns, or the rules of the club. They come from dudes who miss the memo and commit swinger sins.
Whether you’re single or not, there are some common missteps we see over and over again. If you’re not getting playdates, connections, or repeat invites, there’s a chance one of these swinging sins is to blame.
1. Being Too Aggressive
Just because you’re in a lifestyle space doesn’t mean consent goes out the window. Touching someone without invitation, cornering them in conversation, or going straight to sexual talk is a hard no.
Do better: Read the room, flirt respectfully, and don’t assume. Ask, don’t grab.
2. Ignoring One Spouse
In a couple? She’s the gatekeeper. If you focus only on the one partner or worse, act like the other is not even there, you’re done.
Do better: Engage both partners equally. Be charming. Show that you’re not just looking for a hole, but an experience.
3. Bragging About Your Size or Stamina
Nobody cares how big you are or how long you can go. If you’re leading with dick stats, you’re going to attract crickets, not chemistry.
Do better: Lead with personality, not porn metrics.
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4. Acting Like It’s a Competition
Lifestyle isn’t a race or a conquest. Keeping score, comparing partners, or “collecting” women like trophies is creepy, not cool.
Do better: Focus on connection and shared fun. Be present, not performative.
5. Ghosting After Play
If you connected enough to get naked, you can send a simple “thank you” or check-in message after. Ghosting feels disrespectful.
Do better: Follow up. Lifestyle etiquette isn’t just about getting laid, it’s about being part of a community.
6. Not Taking Care of Your Appearance
This one feels obvious, but we see it all the time. Breath, hygiene, grooming. Those details matter.
Do better: Show up like you’re going on a hot date. Because you are.
7. Forgetting It’s Not All About You
Some men get so focused on what they want that they forget to ask what anyone else is into. That’s the fastest way to a dead end encounter.
Do better: Be curious. Ask questions. Create space for mutual turn-ons.
Bottom line:
Confidence is sexy. Entitlement isn’t. If you’re a guy in the lifestyle, your success won’t come from being the loudest or most dominant. It’ll come from listening, respecting, and genuinely connecting.
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